I’ve never once talked about pubes with anyone. And, in a way, it was wisdom, for I had never heard about conditioning chest hair.Īs I turned to finally get to the shower, he made one final comment.Īlso, down there. I believe, in his mind, this was a form of wisdom he was passing down from father to son. Does it really condition the hair? How long do you leave it on? Do you wash, rinse, repeat, and then condition? Who taught you to do this? Stuff like that. Not to bore you with the details, but I must have asked six more questions about this practice. I spun around, because clearly this is a conversation that needed to continue. Wait a goddamned minute! Yes, it hits me.Īs casually as you would say your own name, my father answered, with seemingly no emotional attachment to his response. In this case, imagine me nude from behind, stopping. The person walking away stops and shudders, and you see this all from the back. I froze like you see in the movies where someone is walking away and the other person says something shocking. (truth is I have no idea what brand, I just think Jojoba is a hilarious word)Īs I was walking away back to the bathroom, he threw out an odd question.ĭo you condition your chest hair? Me, minus the gun. He did, and came back moments later with a bottle. I asked my dad if he would grab some for me. Heading out of the bathroom, was fortunate to see my father walking to his bedroom – this is where their conditioner is stashed. So, as I was about to step into the tub, I realized – no conditioner. I put one hand over my genitals, as is the instinct, but that’s about it.Ĭombine my predilection for nudity with the activity of getting ready for a shower, and you have a nude man walking about.
I mean, if I have to run through the house (now that I’m writing this, I realize how odd it is to run through one’s home, but I really do sometimes), I have absolutely no issue sprinting naked. This can be confirmed by my family who doesn’t even bother telling me to cover up anymore. Now, the thing about me is that, at home, I don’t really care who sees me naked. Next I stripped naked, as one would do when preparing to bathe. Pulled out the shower gloves and my toiletry bag. I made my way to my bedroom and unpacked. It was time to freshen up as they say in the movies (but I’ve never actually heard a woman say in real life). You get this heaviness in your hair and on your face, probably from all the crap in the air. People who drive convertibles on the highway know what I’m talking about. Let’s just say it was a fourth of July weekend on a Saturday, mid-afternoon, okay? Plug in that visual while I roll out the rest of the details.Īfter a three-hour summer ride home with the top-down, I was ready for a shower. I can’t tell you what time of year, or why I was there. I was home in Peoria visiting my parents. I don’t have to do much to set the stage here. And even though I don’t remember this ever coming up in our counseling sessions, it may have played a small part in the reason why she left.Ībout the same time this happened, I had another interesting pubic moment – this time with my father. It would be more accurate to say she was extremely angry. Later when I told my wife that I showed her waxer my privates to get some grooming advice, I was surprised to find out she was not happy. She took a cursory glance and gave me some advice.
My logic was that a penis is the male vagina, to which I think we can all agree. But either way, they both see a ton of vaginas. Doctors fix vaginas, and waxers just pull off hair. Actually, I guess that’s not much like a doctor. They’re kind of like doctors, right? I mean, they wax vaginas all day for a living. It didn’t even occur to me not to expose myself. I immediately pulled down my underwear and showed her what I was dealing with.
Her reply was that it was a matter of personal preference and also depended on what was doing down there. I’ve never been cool, much into fashion, and I didn’t know the appropriate protocol. Secretly I was excited.Īs my shoulder and back waxing appointment was concluding, I didn’t think twice of asking the waxer what men should do with their down-there hair. I made an appointment, telling her I would try anything once. My girlfriend suggested I visit her esthetician. The thing about shaving my back is that it gets all prickly and irritated. I’m like a mildly retarded dog who never figured out it’s HIS tail. And when I try to spin around real quick in the bathroom to catch a glance, I just end up going around a few times and getting dizzy. I would shave the area every few weeks, but trying to reach your back is kind of a hassle. As a blonde person this isn’t the biggest deal in the world because the hair shows up lighter, but it still bothered me. About five years ago when I was dating my future wife, I mentioned to her that I was a little embarrassed because I had a bit of shoulder and back hair.